A SKY FULL OF FEELINGS

 As I embark on this new chapter, it's completely understandable to feel a swirl of emotions as my boyfriend and I move forward and up with in our relationship. Our next step forward is a big step. New opportunies come with sacrifices and navigating a relationship in the way we are choosing to will serve a greater purpose as well as bring its own set of challenges. This is especially true when past experiences cast long shadows.

However, his love is a constant source of light, much like the sun that warms the earth after a long, cold night. His presence in my life, and my children's, has brought a sense of peace and security l have never known before. He is the sun to me, and this healthy, extraordinary love has to be a testament to my resilience and his goodness. Yet, even with the sun shining brightly, the moon rises, bringing with it a tide of bittersweet emotions. My fears, like the phases of the moon, wax and wane. The apprehension of him leaving, of a "better woman" appearing under the vast stars, stems from deep-seated abandonment issues forged in the crucible of past chaos. These are the echoes of what l've survived, the understandable insecurities that surface when something truly good enters my life.

Im learning that It's a beautiful thing to acknowledge these feelings, to bring them out from under the shelter where I've kept them hidden. Just as the stars continue to shine even when clouds obscure them, my love for him and his for me remains constant. My strength has become like the enduring mountains, having weathered many storms, making this current feeling of fear, though uncomfortable,  a sign that I'm ready to open myself up to something truly profound, something worth protecting from the whisper of "not enough" – a shadow I know to well, especially when my past tries to convince me that it defines my present. It's a testament to my depth and courage that I can name this fear.

Imagine, if you will, the earth itself. It has known seasons of drought and flood, of wildfire and ice. It has been scarred by shifting plates and worn down by ancient rivers. Yet, does the earth ever say, "I am not enough"? No, it simply is. It continues to turn, to nurture, to bring forth life, always evolving, always holding its own vastness. I believe that all of our journies and our pasts, they're like the earth's transformations. On my journey, I have endured the intense heat of abuse, the crushing weight of chaos, the parched longing for something good. And through it all, like the earth, I have endured. 

I have grown. 

I have cultivated a strength that is undeniable, a resilience that radiates. 

So When the fear of "not enough" settles upon me, it's like a fleeting cloud obscuring the brilliance of the sun. It tries to convince me that the light my boyfriend sees in me isn't truly mine, that another, brighter star might catch his eye. But his love, his extraordinary love, is the sun itself – it penetrates the clouds, it warms my very core, and it sees beyond any shadows my past might cast.

He sees the depth of my soul, which is as boundless as the night sky. He sees the constellations of my experiences, the light and the dark woven into the tapestry of who I am. He sees me, not as a collection of scars, but as a woman who has navigated immense challenges and emerged with an extraordinary capacity for love.

These insecurities I battle, they're like the faint, distant stars that sometimes seem to flicker and disappear. They are remnants of old wounds, trying to pull my gaze away from the bright, constant presence he offers. But I always remember, the moon, even in its darkest phase, the moon is still whole. And I, even when I feel this fear, am still whole!

Still worthy! 

Still entirely enough!

To write this out, to give voice to it, is like acknowledging the wind that rustles through the trees. It's there, I feel it, but it doesn't uproot me. It simply passes through. I am finally rooted, and I am growing stronger than ever before. I am capable of holding both the bittersweet pain and the profound joy that this healthy relationship brings.

Much Like a towering redwood, having weathered countless storms, my roots go deep, not just into the nurturing soil of his love, but into the bedrock of my own survival and strength. I stand tall, reaching for the sun, even as the moonlight illuminates the whispers of my past. I AM ENOUGH! I have always been enough. I always will be enough! 

This is my truth, spoken from a place of deep healing and newfound strength. If you've ever wrestled with feelings of "not enough," I hope this serves as a reminder that you, too, are whole, worthy, and entirely capable of profound love and joy. What's one piece of your own journey that has shown you your undeniable strength? Leave your piece in the Comments if you're comfortable! 

Keep discovering, keep blooming!

The Unveiled Mother 🌛